There is no one lonelier than the child whose mother doesn’t protect her.
Fathers, we too often let off the hook. If they don’t kill us or assault us, we give them points for refraining from violence, and say, if not, job well done, then, it could have been worse. On Father’s Day, we honor the men who refrain from barbarism. Anything more–remembering our birthdays, taking us to the movies, giving us a hug now and then, and their achievement is noteworthy, downright honorable.
Mothers bear the brunt of a double standard. We expect mothers to do more than try. We expect mothers to nurture, or at least behave like wild animals and defend their young when they’re being threatened.
Woe to the mother who chooses her own comfort over the wellbeing of her children.
Of course, I was thinking about this upon learning that Alice Munro, Nobel Laureate, chose to ignore her own daughter’s sexual abuse by her second husband. She chose to stay married to him even after he was found guilty in a court of law.
I myself had a mother who took my father’s side again and again as he emotionally abused me, told me I was stupid, ugly, and incompetent, even as I maintained perfect grades while being treated for an almost fatal cancer. He shouted and raged and threw things in frequent alcoholic fits (when he was not giving us the silent treatment), and even chased our pets with a shotgun when they pissed him off.
I gave up appealing to my mother for help because she never helped. She told me it was not her business (my welfare as a child, that is). Whatever I got, in her opinion, I deserved. I had to fend for myself because my mother appeased my father, no matter how terribly he behaved.
Looking at my life, I may not amount to much in terms of worldly success, but one thing is for sure: I am not a moral failure. Damn money and fame and awards. Do not ignore or abandon children in need. When faced with a dilemma, do the right thing, even when the right thing hurts. Even when doing the right thing almost ruins you.
To me, this is the most important measure of a person. My Nobel Prize is living in obscurity while acting on courage and principle.
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